70
A huge clock appears out of nowhere and plays with time.
It’s been no more than three weeks since Julija’s departure, and I’m already feeling pain in my chest, angel. She made me give this nonsensical encounter a form. I’ve been working day and night to turn this conversation into Lake Redoubt’s supplement, making it almost unrecognizable from said disaster in the process. And now when it’s more or less finished, I feel nothing but pressure of emptiness growing in my head and heart, as I know the story is not going anywhere; it will merely be.
I walk from that point of the square which a hypothetical drawbridge would have to touch to the nearest two ends, and finally to you, with my head and hair down, and say, “Oh void angel, please take Julija’s blade and cut off my head.”
Angel praznine odvrne, da Julijino rezilo ni za vdajo, temveč za nadaljevanje, vztrajanje in trajanje; da je Neznana Oseba hotela permanenco. ‘To je oblika tvoje vojne, ki jo biješ proti času in pozabi.’ Pravi, da je Neznana Oseba s tem praznini dala barvo.
I slowly lift the sword with both hands and press it against my neck.
Angel praznine odvrne, da ne razumem rezila. Pravi, da je bil ustvarjen za odbijanje zgrešenih poizkusov tega sveta, da bi me definiral; za izklesanje prostora za dušo, ki je pod svoje okrilje ni sposoben vzeti noben sistem. ‘Če ta meč obrneš proti sebi, bo Neznana Oseba zgolj potrdila, da je bila njena žalost patologija, kljubovanje norost in Julija izbruh jeze.’
Moj odgovor: “Something … is still … preventing me from using it against myself! Angel …”
Angel praznine pripomni, da je temu tako zaradi vseh vizij, ki si jih je Neznana Oseba ustvarila zavoljo preprečitve mojega uničenja. ‘Ne mešaj mirovanja z neuspehom.’
I lower the sword with my tired arms, and let it slip slowly: first from the left, then my right hand. Its fall makes a tender sound. I stand still with my head down, and because hair is covering my face, I resemble Julija’s ghostly form: “I want to do what Julija does when faced with horror: the groaning, crying, and screaming. But I can’t! There’s no relief, no exit for me. But eventually, something will force me to … I don’t understand! Oh angel, I’m scared. Scared – because I don’t want to die!
Angel praznine odvrne, da Julija vsakič ne kriči le zaradi bolečine: včasih kriči tudi iz kljubovanja, in vpraša: “Kaj bo v tem primeru?”
“Ah-h-h, stop-p-p teasing me-e-e!” I say with an annoyed voice, and start running from one arbitrary point to another while laughing softly, “Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
Angel praznine opazuje ta nenadni izliv čustev in Neznani Osebi potiho sledi.
Void angel’s rodent minions gather around Julija’s blade.
“Don’t touch that!” I quickly return to the place where it was dropped, pick it up, and put it in my right hand, after having dispersed the startled demons by merely rushing towards them. “C-control your servants, void angel!! … You are not my friend. I can’t believe I wanted to hug you …”
Angel praznine povesi glavo in iz njega sune neka nevidna sila, ki njegove sluge prisili, da se poskrijejo v zemeljske luknje.
71
I am well aware that one day, the world will force me to die. But this place, including you, void angel, will live on in the voice of the word net that has been woven and entrusted with its representation.
Angel praznine pripomni, da si je Neznana Oseba potemtakem že pripravila duha.