72
You still don’t know what Julija is, do you? I know very well what she is. I am hiding her, or the thing she is, under thick layers of illusion. She is both something outside of me, and something that emerges through me. She is something that erupts when the iron dam, the normal me, dissolves.
Angel praznine opaža, da je Julija moj odgovor na dejstvo, da je bila Neznana Oseba, nedodelana, rojena na svet brez materinskih rok. ‘Zakaj jo skrivaš?’
Neznana Oseba: Cries in spirit: “Stop calling me unfinished … !” My facial expression becomes painful. “Stop!!” Buries the face in both hands, shakes her head.
…
“You said I was ‘born unfinished’! Who talks like that?! I would never say something similar even to a person born without legs!” Covers her eyes.
Angel praznine odvrne, da mu je žal zame.
73
I look at your form with tired eyes, and say in a calm voice, “This obsession with symmetry, perfect shapes, and completeness has gone too far. I may be hiding behind layers of tall walls, but I can still feel. And I feel deeply.”
Angel praznine opaža, da je Neznana Oseba Utrdbo zgradila zato, da bi s pomočjo njene brezhibnosti obvladovala svojo lastno nedovršenost.
Moj odgovor: “It is not flawless. It’s something tailored to my taste.”
Angel praznine vpraša, zakaj od nje tako pogosto bežim, če odgovarja mojemu okusu.
Moj odgovor: Solemn tone: “It is something that keeps me upright. Something necessary.”
Angel praznine se vpraša o smislu moje pokončne drže in pripomni, da ne vidi nobenega dvora, nobenega sodišča, ki bi ji bila priča. ‘Ali hodiš tako pokončno, ker se bojiš, da bo Neznana Oseba razpadla v javnosti?’
Moj odgovor: “Julija is something that comes to me only when I summon her; she cannot come on her own, so there is no fear of ‘breaking down in public’. This world will not tear me apart me and reshape me to its liking. And neither will you.”
Angel praznine odvrne, da se ne bojim same Julije, temveč tistega, kar potrdi, ko se pojavi.
74
On the necessity to stay upright: I do it for the sake of my mind’s eye. For the sake of the principles I deem just and worthy of admiration, after having them established and thoroughly defined.
Angel praznine pravi: “Naj bo torej temu tako,” in naredi en korak nazaj.
75
I spurn your opinion that the Red Fortress rejected me. The tilted perspective most likely had its origin in the fact that as a child, I had always loved looking at the seventeenth century etchings of mediæval castles. If anything, it did not reject me: it comforted me.
Angel praznine opaža, da mi Rdeča trdnjava potemtakem predstavlja zatočišče pred zavrnitvijo sveta spodaj, in prekliče svojo prejšnjo interpretacijo.