166
“I’m afraid that one day I will have to shut you down.” The Keeper does not flinch; she probably doesn’t even know what I just said.
Julija’s ghost in the background: “Why am I even called Julija?”
I respond instantly: “Because it’s pretty. Because you are pretty.” I close my eyes, making a smiling, slightly cute and silly face.
Yesterday, Julija somehow gained control of the Keeper’s right hand and combed her hair with her fingers. I was paralyzed – unable to stop her. I was just sitting there watching her break one of my rules. She insulted you. And I was powerless – I could do nothing but calmly tolerate her behaviour.
167
We are standing on the lake shore now. Just the two of us: “In my defence I would like to say that I personally associate the word lisica with wise women and the noble lie type of character, not with a common trickster.”
168
During the last visit, it felt as if I had been violently embraced by her and rushed through the experience. There was no time to savour particular moments. It’s obvious she doesn’t want to spend time with me anymore, and I am so upset that I am contemplating getting rid of all those small things we used to enjoy together.
Julija tried to mock me by saying, in a pathetic tone, “The melancholy, the melancholy!” but I simply replied, “Oh, shut up!” And that was the end of our conversation.