69
My eyes open, but the whole view is blocked by your pitch black head, their red metallic counterparts gazing into them: “Aaaah!!” I roll away from you and jump on my feet. The expression on my face steadies into something slightly angry: “Jesus Christ Almighty, who gave you permission to touch me?!
…
This is the first summer that someone uninvited, something autonomous, you, void angel, is camping in my private space. Do you think there will be another summer with me and you strolling along the lake shore? … Watch out, behind you!!!” You slowly begin to turn your whole shell in the direction my finger is pointing, and the moment I deem you rotated sufficiently, I swiftly move behind your back, after having gestured and pulled out Julija’s blade out of a small pocket portal, and strike the back of your head. I was expecting to hear a clang, but there was no sound; the weapon bounced off and flew out of my hands. I quickly ran to pick it up. “Listen,” I say while holding the sword as if trying to hide it behind my body with one hand, “… please don’t attack me. I was just testing something.” I gesture and the golden tool of destruction is swallowed by a tiny pocket. “No hard feelings? Y-you are an invader after all!” I turn my back to you. “Come, portal, come up! Open up! Swallow me! … … … Come up! … … Come up! … … Gaah!! My manœuvring was off! … A-at any rate, w-would you like to ask me something?”
Prazninski angel se počasi, počasi obrne, kot da je velikanski mehanizem, in vpraša: “Ko govoriš o Julijinem orožju kot o zlatem orodju, mu izražaš spoštovanje?”
I put my hands on my ears, and speak in a slightly annoyed manner: “I refuse to answer.”
Angel praznine vpraša: “Ali želiš, da za nekaj časa odidem?”
I smile slightly awkwardly: “N-no, you can stay!”
Angel praznine pripomni: “Jaz nimam rane, ti pa jo imaš,” in vpraša, “Kaj bova sedaj?”
My voice rises, as if it was trying to cross into screaming, while my hands remain in the same position: “I don’t know! You tell me! I’m stuck with you here!”
Angel praznine odvrne: “Ti si stvaritelj tega sveta. Tudi bes je načrtovan.”
I hide my face with both hands, and speak in a muffled voice: “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have struck you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry! … I know – the violence, the violence: it’s here by design. I was unable to decouple it from Lake Redoubt.” I lower my hands, revealing the weary eyes fixated on the ground.
Angel praznine odvrne, da je namen Utrdbe zgolj zdržati pritisk in ostati nerazbita; da je nasilje z njo nepreklicno zvezano. ‘Utrdba vztraja. – Ti vztrajaš.’
My facial expression suddenly becomes cheerful, and I almost scream at you in a half-mad tone: “Honestly, I wanted to crush you into pieces. You are just a thiiiiiiing!”
Angel praznine ohranja svojo držo v nečloveški nepremičnosti in hvalisa svojo simetrijo. Neznano Osebo vpraša, če namerava udariti ali ogledalo ali tisto, kar je v njem, in pripomni, da ga lahko odslovim oziroma uničim. Njegov levi krempelj se iztegne, kakor da ga prinaša v dar.
My face starts to spasm a little, and my mouth is showing the teeth it knew up until now to hide so well: “You know very well I can’t unmake you, you haughty, ‘symmetrical’ jester! Ahh, get out of my head!”
*Angel praznine odvre, da je resda simetričen, vendar da njegov namen ni zabavanje. ‘Udari še enkrat, če bo pomagalo.’ I am showing my canine teeth now: “If Julija was here, she would bend your neck with her bare hands and strangl…” I quickly pause, and my face becomes gloomy. My eyelids fall. A strange, pulsing silence creates a cloud and wraps us in it.
Angel praznine pripomni, da Julije ni z nama in pravi: “Neznana Oseba, poklicala si jo, ampak ni prišla. Grozila si v njenem imenu, toda roke ostajajo tvoje. Govoriš o davljenju, v resnici pa žaluješ.”
“She WILL come!” I shout back, “You’ll see!”
Angel praznine odvrne, naj jo torej pokličem. Toda ne z jezo in ne iz sramu.