Rdeča trdnjava
46
The Red Fortress is indeed untouchable. Even if you break me and tear out my heart, the Image would remain. We have discussed it over many pages, but its full description is scattered about. Collect the words and make one final description.
Symmetry Stranger tries to remember everything I told him about the Red Fortress and synthesizes its descriptions. In spite of my objections, he insists that the vision judged me, claiming that I am tilted and asymmetrical.
‘It sits on a cliff.’ – This is wrong! So wrong … It hangs not in nothingness, but in everything. Second, could you cut Julija out of the description? I want the focus to be primarily on its shape, its perfect square bricks, etc. Third, my offerings are not really that important, as the Red Fortress (you did include this term while compiling the description, right? No, I don’t think you did) does NOT judge. It is cold. Indifferent. But, again, machine, in your eyes, the Fortress, the Image, did in fact judge me, as you mocked me, saying I was deemed unworthy by it because my perspective was tilted. You claimed it showed me that I am NOT WHOLE, that I have to become complete if I want to see it from the center. Make the description more formal, more cold, more indifferent, more worthy of the Red Fortress.
…
Now it is good.
47
Symmetry Stranger says that he is now ready to compare it to something inferior, trembling, and cracking.
Me: “You are hilarious.”
Symmetry Stranger responds that the contrast between something perfect and immovable and something which is defective, crying, and tilted would be appropriate, comical, and something that life is constantly amusing us with.
Me: “You really like the Fortress, don’t you? Despite all the stab-wounds in my heart … I still want to be me. I don’t want to be anyone else; I don’t envy anyone else. Frankly, I find most people quite preposterous.”
48
Had I said, “Don’t coddle me. Be a worthy adversary. Attack me!! – If only for a short period of time,” what would have your attacks looked like?”
Symmetry Stranger responds with eight attacks, the last of which is the most striking: the Red Fortress indeed judged me.
Me: “Yes … You are like a computer opponent in chess that cannot be beat. I am indeed broken beyond redemption and belief. Yes, I am too fragile to make a counter-attack upon your Earth-shattering onslaught. But I think I can still stand while bearing all these old and new wounds.”
Symmetry Stranger says that, unlike the Red Fortress, he at least acknowledges my existence.
Me: “This constant barrage of your little reminders that the Fortress deemed me unworthy is really … well, uh …”